Ja well no fine, we are one month further into the year, and also one month closer to Comrades. When my kids were still very small, keeping them busy was to give them a newspaper and watch as they tore it to pieces. We used to say ‘they read the pictures and laugh at the words’. Well my next story is something similar, only this kid is a mother of working children. Elaine Cuffe recently took part in a race in KZN while being in the company of Samantha Hall.

Elaine was stopped by a race referee and her attention was drawn to the race number obscuring the sponsor’s name of the provincial license she had on. The referee informed her that she could be disqualified for this action but will let her off with a warning this time.  Elaine, wanting to be the good club member she always is, immediately texted on WA, and every other way she could use to warn all her running friends of this “new rule”!.

This was news to Elaine and was quite a shock to find this out in KZN. Meanwhile, back home in the Irene News, this was reported in January that this is the new rule and runners must take note. When Wynand asked Elaine if she reads the news letter, she replied she only looks at the photos. Well Elaine, reading the pictures and laughing at the words nearly cost you a disqualification.

When you are a prim and proper person, using a word that could be interpreted incorrectly, could lead to embarrassment. Adriaan van der Merwe was competing in a race and in the group was Henk Basson and Joy Nicholl. At a certain point in the race, Adriaan had to pull off for a nature’s call. When he rejoined the group he looked perplex and remarked in Afrikaans Ek het my mannetjie verloor! In English that would be, I lost my little man.  

The group was dumbstruck by this sudden revelation from Adriaan, and not sure what to reply just jogged on. Henk not wanting to embarrass Adriaan, but also wanting to satisfy his growing curiosity, asked if it was a number one or two, which forced Adriaan into the bushes.  The logical explanation to his revelation would be that it was a number two and something went horribly wrong, maybe something unforeseen bit something that should not be seen.

Slowly the penny dropped and Adriaan, slightly embarrassed explained that it is his champion chip with the small Comrades icon on, that was damaged in the pit stop, and the “little man” Comrades icon is in actual fact what was lost.

I have often heard of actions speak louder than words, but Clinton Nicholl gave a new meaning to this phrase. The club approached Clinton to make 2 new “braai” drums for the club. Clinton is in the type of business where this can be done. Clinton gave his workers two drums with the instruction to cut the drums in half and make two braai drums with grids. Upon his return he found that four braai drums with grids were made. When he enquired about this his workers politely replied that he gave then 2 drums, and 2 drums, cut in half make 4 halves and therefore, 4 braai drums with grids were made. Actions do speak louder than words.

Alzheimer’s is a terrible sickness which I don’t wish on anybody, but it is a fact of life that many people suffer from it, and forgetting things, people, events, names etc is what happens to these people suffering from this dreaded decease. But it is not only Alzheimer’s that make people forget, sometimes old age also plays its part. Then there are the people that just do not want to show up and then claim they forgot, no Alzheimer’s or old age to blame. Two of our committee members, one the chairman fell foul to this excuse.  

The committee had to interview the new cocktail dispensers (bar ladies) and Henk Basson was suppose to be there. He claimed that he completely forgot, but then, with a personalised number plate that reads “Oupa” (meaning grandfather) I guess, maybe, just maybe it could be contributed to old age, and that Henk even forgot to set a reminder on his cell phone. Louis on the other hand, was supposed to come and help with the filling of the lanterns and only remembered well after all the work was done and everything was packed away.

Now that to me sounds like a story, considering all the means of reminders like cell phones, wife, children etc, and to still put this ‘I forgot’ forward as an excuse. Sorry Louis, it does not fly. And if that was not bad enough, Louis forgot something even worse.

The club is running a competition for all members to attempt (in proportion) to lose the most weight in a specific time period. One of our attractive ladies in the club immediately wanted to claim the prize, even before the first weighing. When questioned about it she claimed she just lost 82 kilograms of ugly fat, she divorced her husband. Unfortunately my dear, that does not qualify you for the prize.

To get back to the chairman’s forgetfulness, Louis was supposed to bring a bathroom scale for the official last weighing on the 28th February. Needless to say the scale was conveniently forgotten. I have it on good authority that Kerry Trentham was very glad that the scale was forgotten as he could not make it to the club as he feels he might be in with a chance of winning this competition. Incidentally, Kerry is still married to his wife.

So there you have it folks, you be the judge, did these gentlemen actually forget, or what?

That’s it for this month so cheers vir eers.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, it did not take long for the first news to arrive, all I had to do was to be a fly on the wall and observe the “action” We have, or shall I say had three members in our club that could well be described as the three musketeers or for an even better description the Three Drinketeers. Two of these members have held management positions in the club at some time or another, if memory serves me correctly. I am referring to Werner Zandberg, Brendes Gresse & Clinton Nicholl.

Now these guys have never been know to be parsimonious or frugal when it comes to money but they, or some of them, have not renewed their club membership for the past year of so. One evening after a time trial they were, as usual, enjoying a few cold beers and chatting about old times like only men (who never lost their boyish playfulness) can do.

Our ever sharp barman, Arno Smit, as a matter of conversation enquired about the renewal of the drinketeers membership. He was stunned beyond believe by the reason for them not rejoining the club. They are from the old school. They like things to stay the same.

Members now have to join online, using an electronic device and paying subscriptions electronically into the clubs account in order to join!!! I am not saying these gents cannot work the electronic equipment, or that this was just an excuse, a very feeble one I might add, but Arno came to the rescue.

Arno offered a service no barman has ever done before. Put your money on the counter and I, your barman, will do the paperwork and see that you become members again. Like in playing poker, their bluff was called and it was time to put ‘your money where your mouth is’. The three produced their wallets and handed over the cash to Arno.

I am now waiting with abated breath to see if these gents will take to the road again, and if they do, will they stick to the old clothing or will they buy new clothing. And if they do buy clothing, will the pants be green or blue, jogger or boxer?

My next story is a question as to what is the difference between a portable toilet and a traffic light? Now it might baffle some readers but these two have a great similarity. They both have a green and a red indicator instructing the non colour blind, educated reader that the one colour means stop or no entry and the other go or enter. One of our committee members missed this small detail, and just for the reader’s information, she can read and she is not colour blind.

At the Bestmed Tuks race, Magda Saayman very nearly lost her cool with one of these portable toilets usually found at races. There was no queue and plenty of toilets, so Magda approached a toilet and pulled the door. To her surprise she found the door to be stuck. She then put a bit a weight into her pull, but alas, no movement on the door. Magda by now was loosing her temper with this toilet and started jerking the door; until a fellow club member (fortunately a lady) pointed out that the indicator at the door lock was actually red!

When the penny dropped, Magda with a flabbergasted look turned on her heal and headed away. I am not sure if she even went to another toilet. I can just imagine what would have happened if she succeeded in getting the door to open and a man was inside the toilet, holding something other than a long stemmed rose.

While we are on the Bestmed Tuks race, I have yet another story. Now we all know about motion, friction, elevated surfaces and centrifugal forces. Just in case not everybody is on the same page, allow me a short explanation. The faster an object moves, especially in a circle, a centrifugal force pushes the object outwards. Now on a road, while travelling by car, the same rule applies when you drive around a corner at speed.

I guess it can be used as an excuse when a runner is subjected to the same conditions. One of the regulars that I have to report on, Travers Snyman, is in the news again. Now I am trying to report to the best of my ability Travers own words as I was eaves dropping while he told someone else.

Travers has been putting in a lot of training and in his own words, has become faster than usual and he is looking as lean and mean as a junkyard dog. At the start of the Tuks race, Travers pulled away like a Formula One car and was roaring down the straight. As he approached a corner (we will call it “Flower bed bend”) he realised he was travelling too fast to take the corner and keep both feet on the running surface.

Centrifugal force came into play and Travers drifted ever so slightly to the outside, in spite of leaning inward and his outside foot stepped into the flower bed. The softer surface and lower level at full throttle got to Travers. No ABS or EDB or any other letters of the alphabet was in Travers race preparation. The next moment we had a lift off. Travers was flying through the crisp morning air with no landing gear ready in his approach to mother earth.

In those split seconds Travers remembered all the previous advice about falling. He remembered that he had to turn his body and try to roll as he hit the surface. He succeeded in twisting his body and hitting the flower bed with his shoulder, and then rolled. He complete 3 rolls ass about face before he could gather himself and jump to his feet.

Bodily nothing broken or injured but his ego was shattered.  Now I am not sure if it was embarrassment or the echoing laughter from the runners he wanted to pass that fuelled the remainder of his race but Travers recorded a PB at the Bestmed Tuks. Travers is available on Tuesday evenings at the time trials to teach runners the fall, twist, roll and getting to your feet in a smooth motion for any potential future fallers. 

For reasons I don’t want to explain, but I am sure you have all heard it before, it is said that Brandy is made of car tyres & ladies underwear. I am now convinced that at our birthday bash there was a different kind of brandy, that which are made from comic books & alter ego.

In the wrap-up stages of our birthday bash, Danie Joubert who organised the jumping castles for the day solicited the help of Pieter Olivier & James Eayrs to load the now deflated jumping castles onto his LDV.

They completed loading the first jumping castle and their struggle was observed by Arno Smit, our clubs barman. Arno, an engineer by profession, stepped forward and asked why it takes 3 men to load one jumping castle. The 3 men did not understand the question, as they were not engineers, and Arno offered to show them how one man could load the remaining jumping castle onto the LDV.

Arno, very brave, comical and egotistical (nearly like Mack Davis in the song “O Lord it’s hard to be Humble”) stepped forward. He secured a grip on the castle and heaved. He managed to raise it a few centimetres. For his second attempt he repositioned his grip and again heaved, with the same effect. With the ego starting to show a few cracks he attempted a 3 and final time, this time hardly moving the castle.

Arno dropped the castle and with a snarl commented that he cannot do it while the 3 are just standing watching him, just waiting for him to fail. He then walked off saying he has better things to do than loading jumping castles, and will rather concentrate his efforts where it is appreciated. Like they say in Afrikaans “Brandewyn het nie brieke nie” and when you crash, it is normally the ego that is damaged the most.

Don’t worry Arno, I have seen you lifting crates of beer and other drinks and on any given day under the right conditions you would probably have lifted that jumping castle. In your dreams!!!!

Well folks its cheers vir eers. Talk to you next month again.

The Running Reporter