Now these guys have never been know to be parsimonious or frugal when it comes to money but they, or some of them, have not renewed their club membership for the past year of so. One evening after a time trial they were, as usual, enjoying a few cold beers and chatting about old times like only men (who never lost their boyish playfulness) can do.
Our ever sharp barman, Arno Smit, as a matter of conversation enquired about the renewal of the drinketeers membership. He was stunned beyond believe by the reason for them not rejoining the club. They are from the old school. They like things to stay the same.
Members now have to join online, using an electronic device and paying subscriptions electronically into the clubs account in order to join!!! I am not saying these gents cannot work the electronic equipment, or that this was just an excuse, a very feeble one I might add, but Arno came to the rescue.
Arno offered a service no barman has ever done before. Put your money on the counter and I, your barman, will do the paperwork and see that you become members again. Like in playing poker, their bluff was called and it was time to put ‘your money where your mouth is’. The three produced their wallets and handed over the cash to Arno.
I am now waiting with abated breath to see if these gents will take to the road again, and if they do, will they stick to the old clothing or will they buy new clothing. And if they do buy clothing, will the pants be green or blue, jogger or boxer?
My next story is a question as to what is the difference between a portable toilet and a traffic light? Now it might baffle some readers but these two have a great similarity. They both have a green and a red indicator instructing the non colour blind, educated reader that the one colour means stop or no entry and the other go or enter. One of our committee members missed this small detail, and just for the reader’s information, she can read and she is not colour blind.
At the Bestmed Tuks race, Magda Saayman very nearly lost her cool with one of these portable toilets usually found at races. There was no queue and plenty of toilets, so Magda approached a toilet and pulled the door. To her surprise she found the door to be stuck. She then put a bit a weight into her pull, but alas, no movement on the door. Magda by now was loosing her temper with this toilet and started jerking the door; until a fellow club member (fortunately a lady) pointed out that the indicator at the door lock was actually red!
When the penny dropped, Magda with a flabbergasted look turned on her heal and headed away. I am not sure if she even went to another toilet. I can just imagine what would have happened if she succeeded in getting the door to open and a man was inside the toilet, holding something other than a long stemmed rose.
While we are on the Bestmed Tuks race, I have yet another story. Now we all know about motion, friction, elevated surfaces and centrifugal forces. Just in case not everybody is on the same page, allow me a short explanation. The faster an object moves, especially in a circle, a centrifugal force pushes the object outwards. Now on a road, while travelling by car, the same rule applies when you drive around a corner at speed.
I guess it can be used as an excuse when a runner is subjected to the same conditions. One of the regulars that I have to report on, Travers Snyman, is in the news again. Now I am trying to report to the best of my ability Travers own words as I was eaves dropping while he told someone else.
Travers has been putting in a lot of training and in his own words, has become faster than usual and he is looking as lean and mean as a junkyard dog. At the start of the Tuks race, Travers pulled away like a Formula One car and was roaring down the straight. As he approached a corner (we will call it “Flower bed bend”) he realised he was travelling too fast to take the corner and keep both feet on the running surface.
Centrifugal force came into play and Travers drifted ever so slightly to the outside, in spite of leaning inward and his outside foot stepped into the flower bed. The softer surface and lower level at full throttle got to Travers. No ABS or EDB or any other letters of the alphabet was in Travers race preparation. The next moment we had a lift off. Travers was flying through the crisp morning air with no landing gear ready in his approach to mother earth.
In those split seconds Travers remembered all the previous advice about falling. He remembered that he had to turn his body and try to roll as he hit the surface. He succeeded in twisting his body and hitting the flower bed with his shoulder, and then rolled. He complete 3 rolls ass about face before he could gather himself and jump to his feet.
Bodily nothing broken or injured but his ego was shattered. Now I am not sure if it was embarrassment or the echoing laughter from the runners he wanted to pass that fuelled the remainder of his race but Travers recorded a PB at the Bestmed Tuks. Travers is available on Tuesday evenings at the time trials to teach runners the fall, twist, roll and getting to your feet in a smooth motion for any potential future fallers.
For reasons I don’t want to explain, but I am sure you have all heard it before, it is said that Brandy is made of car tyres & ladies underwear. I am now convinced that at our birthday bash there was a different kind of brandy, that which are made from comic books & alter ego.
In the wrap-up stages of our birthday bash, Danie Joubert who organised the jumping castles for the day solicited the help of Pieter Olivier & James Eayrs to load the now deflated jumping castles onto his LDV.
They completed loading the first jumping castle and their struggle was observed by Arno Smit, our clubs barman. Arno, an engineer by profession, stepped forward and asked why it takes 3 men to load one jumping castle. The 3 men did not understand the question, as they were not engineers, and Arno offered to show them how one man could load the remaining jumping castle onto the LDV.
Arno, very brave, comical and egotistical (nearly like Mack Davis in the song “O Lord it’s hard to be Humble”) stepped forward. He secured a grip on the castle and heaved. He managed to raise it a few centimetres. For his second attempt he repositioned his grip and again heaved, with the same effect. With the ego starting to show a few cracks he attempted a 3 and final time, this time hardly moving the castle.
Arno dropped the castle and with a snarl commented that he cannot do it while the 3 are just standing watching him, just waiting for him to fail. He then walked off saying he has better things to do than loading jumping castles, and will rather concentrate his efforts where it is appreciated. Like they say in Afrikaans “Brandewyn het nie brieke nie” and when you crash, it is normally the ego that is damaged the most.
Don’t worry Arno, I have seen you lifting crates of beer and other drinks and on any given day under the right conditions you would probably have lifted that jumping castle. In your dreams!!!!
Well folks its cheers vir eers. Talk to you next month again.
The Running Reporter