Ja well no fine, Comrades has come and gone, and I have not recovered to the extent that I can put on my running shoes again, maybe in January 2019. Comrades is a very funny race, and has so much influence on people, even non-Comrades runners are infected by the idea of Comrades. This effect is portrayed in funny ways.

Take Ashley Williams as an example, Ashley, on the last Tuesday of training before Comrades, arrived at the clubhouse for his normal training. Ashley arrived as usual, took his kitbag and walked to the change room to get ready. 5 minutes later Ashley emerged, still fully clothed (not in running kit) and made his way to his car. You guessed it, all the kit, minus the running shoes were in the bag. Do any of you buy this story of “I forgot to pack in the shoes” Never mind Ashley, it is your choice ☺

Rumour has it that a certain high profile runner was also affected with the Comrades vibe, but in a completely different picture than that of Ashley. This person, I shall name Mr X, for reasons better not explained, acted, or shall I say over reacted in a way I have to explain.

This Mr X did not run Comrades this year but supported his wife. Not just support in one or two places, no, he went to not less than 7 places along the route to support his wife. At one of these support points, the road leading there was a gravel road and the cars were parked on the side of the road that felt like forever. Mr X parked his 4 X 4 and proceeded on foot to the support point. Another vehicle arrived, driven by a member of the fairer sex, and she just did not want this long walk and parked in the road (drive section), locked her vehicle and off she went.

Unfortunately when Mr X returned to his 4 X 4, he was boxed in, and so were others. Mr X was not a happy chap, and took stock of what can be done. If he broke her vehicles window to try and get it out of the way, criminal charges could be laid against him. Keeping a cool head, Mr X took off all identifiable clothing that could link him to a running club, and then put his plan into action.

Mr X, with a bit of backward and forwards was able to get his vehicle facing the rough outdoor, or shall we just say grasslands. He then took a towrope out of his 4 X 4 vehicle and attached the rope to the parked and locked vehicle and then to his 4 X 4. He then did all the parked vehicles a favour by towing the other vehicle a good distance into the grasslands and left it there. I guess someone learned a lesson that day!

Well folks, that’s it for this report, so cheers vir eers.
​
The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, the news is few and far between but I have enough now to report on a few stories. They say if you keep on calling a dog by the same name, eventually he/she will answer to that name. Now I wonder if that also apply to humans. Last year around Comrades, one of our members, Emile Myburgh, was running with two ladies when some wise ass read his name as Emily and that caused quite a roar of laughter. Recently a company, Tifosi Sports had running shoes & compression socks on display and as test items during the time trial. There was also a lucky draw where a quality T Shirt from World Running was up for grabs to 3 lucky persons.  You guessed it, when the names of the winners from the lucky draw were read out; none other than Emily was read out. It is getting close to the point where Emile will become Emily whenever he is in Irene clobber.

The members that have never served on the race committee will not gather the time and effort that goes into planning a race. No matter how much effort you put in, there is always something that will go wrong, or could be done better. So it stands to reason that after every race, the race committee get together and have a feedback session (post mortem) so to speak. After the ultra, the group decided that they will take a week off, and first gather their thoughts before getting together at Louis’s house for the feedback.

Well, maybe, just maybe one of the race committee members did not have that many thoughts to gather and arrived at Louis’s place of residence, Cornwall Hill one week earlier than what was decided. Werner v/d Merwe first smelled a rat when the security at the gate shrugged their shoulders and informed him they are not aware of his expected arrival at this residential area.

Doubt flooded his mind, could they, the rest of the committee have forgotten about him? Did he do something wrong that he was left off the guest list deliberately? Do the rest of the committee or be it Wynand or Louis not regard his hard work as justifiable to be attending?

A phone call later and the whole matter was cleared up, Werner was included on the guest list, his work is appreciated, he is not insignificant on the committee, he was just one week early. No problem Werner, I know of members that arrived at a race one day before the start☺☺

Putting on a race of the magnitude like our ultra, the chance that something will go wrong is nearly 100% so it is nothing new when a few complaints come in, after all that is what we expect. Wynand, as the manager must normally face the music and answer complaints or suggestions from people writing or phoning the club. There is of course the type of complaints that you cannot plan for or do anything about, but they still surface every so often, like the sun was too hot, or it was too cold, or my mother-in-law was in the crowd, or my ex was laughing at me. Normal logical complaints are welcome as it can only improve the future races, but then you get a complaint like this:

An irate member of the community wrote to Wynand complaining that he and his wife & children were shocked to their core, and at the time of writing the letter was still in shock. They saw 3 athletes relieving themselves of excess urine against the back of a tree on the route. For those that don’t know, the back of a tree is where the wet patch is. Wynand wrote back and explained that the club arranged to have strategically placed toilets throughout the route for just that purpose!

This irate person was adamant, he holds the club, and in as much for Wynand personally responsible for athletes urinating along the route. He suggested that the Club must educate the athletes not to urinate while taking part in a race. Personally I would have showed this person my fist with at least one finger protruding in an upwards direction, but that is me. Now what do the members think we should tell this complainant?

Should we suggest that he makes his residence available for toilet purposes, or should we use the goody bag and put a toilet roll in it? It is clear the this person has never run a marathon or something similar but let us not debate it further, but rather wish him a pleasant one-way trip and ask him to give regards to Nick.

We also have a case of blisters, caused by an upset stomach. I know your first question is how is that possible? Well two of our runners, Johan Engelbrecht and his running partner Yvonne, were at the Wally, in the hope of improving on his seeding for Comrades. They were like right in front; their vests were touching the tape at the start. And then the call from nature, and Johan had to seek a toilet with just about 6 minutes to the start. Working their way through the crowd to the back, and off to the toilet. Needless to say by the time the toilet break was had the front runners were off. These two now had to work their way through the never ending mass of runners in front of them, and it was like cold golden syrup, slow and moral breaking. And it was this snail pace, and ducking & diving to get past the slow runners that actually caused the blisters on Yvonne’s feet. Just in case you were wondering, the Comrades seeding did not improve. It was a bit of a shitty move.

And now for the juicy stories of this report and they emerged from the Wings for Life World run. Our club members were responsible for riding with bicycles next to the leading men & ladies, and also as buffer riders showing the runners to pull over as the catcher car drew near. One of the buffer riders, Leon Page, after his stint was informed he could leave and return to his home base. It was just as well, because while Leon was riding, one of those flies that make the jam, Mr. Honey bee, flew into his shirt and was working his way down. Leon pulled off the road and was frantically trying to locate and exterminate this potential sting.

I can imagine the panic, as Leon is allergic to a honey bee sting. The bee nearly made it all the way down to the bottom of the pants, when it crawled into a dead end, just past the water & lights section of the anatomy, and feeling trapped, delivered its barb into Leon’s groin. Leon, you were lucky, a few inches either side or you could have been in real trouble.

What is the price you pay for the lime light? We should ask Kerry Trentham that question. Kerry and Johan van Vuuren were the fortunate cyclists that were riding with the leading runners, thus being on camera basically all the time. When they went to collect their gear, supplied by Wings for Life World run, the only available sizes for these two cyclists were one large and one medium. Johan van Vuuren being there first claimed the large, although an extra large would have fitted better. When Kerry realised that the only size left was a medium he was not a happy chappie.

The organisers suggested that he switched place with Leon or one of the smaller cyclists that were riding as buffer cyclist. Kerry thought it over for a very long time of about one second and flatly refused. His moment in the limelight he was not going to forfeit. When, if ever will he be on camera, televised to the world ever again? Kerry, a natural 2 XL size squeezed himself into a medium size riding gear, stretching it too proportions that were never heard of before. I was going to say it fitted him like a second skin, but that is a name brand of clothing, so spray-paint is a closer description. Kerry I don’t know how you breathed throughout your cycling experience, but you had your tight fit moment in the limelight. On the up side, it just shows what good quality material the cycling outfits were made of.

Our other cyclist, Johan van Vuuren’s wife, Blanche was running the race. When the catcher car eventually caught her she returned to the stadium and awaited her husband. When all was done and dusted, the family van Vuuren returned to their vehicle and that was when the proverbial paw-paw hit fan. The battery of the remote to the car was flat. The car, not wanting to open its doors, caused another serious problem. The spare remote was in the house, and the keys to the house were in the car.

To make a long story short, Johan had to hitch a ride with another Irene member to get to his house, and then had to literally break into his own house using a grinder in order to get to the spare remote to open the car. And that guys & gals is just how easy it is to get into this report.

Well folks, that’s it for this report so cheers vir eers.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, let me introduce myself to all the new members and some of the existing “old” members. I am the Running Reporter. I am a member of the club. I attend time trials, road races, club arranged races, functions and everything that happens where our club is involved. If your actions are normal, you will not make my report, but do something out of the ordinary or plain stupid, and everyone in the club will read about it.

It is 2018, and I re-joined a bit late, but have no fear, I have a few incidents to report on, but first an event in 2017, just to ensure that nobody misses out on some juicy details. Our parents used to say adults read the words and laugh at the pictures, and children read the pictures and laugh at the words. However, a picture can paint a thousand words; the problem comes when the words include numbers, like dates & times. Our first story includes two “pictures” that featured in the Irene news and an article that was sent out via E Mail. The one was the Irene year end function; remember the “beach party”? and the other one being the ‘Christmas lights run’ run in aid of toys/donations for the less fortunate children.

Both these events had a date & time associated with them, the year-end function being about 2 weeks before the lights run, but that is neither here nor there. Our fearless leader and chairman of the club, is a person of importance when it comes to the year-end function, as he was supposed to hand out the trophies etc.

On the day in question, the year-end function, that was supposed to start at 17h00 (remember it is a beach party and it should be before sunset) our clubs No1 did not pitch. Fortunately, there was a very disappointing rugby match of our dreaded springboks on TV, and that was ample distraction for the waiting crowd.

When the clock struck 18h00 hours, Wynand, our club manager started feeling a slight bit uneasy that Louis had not arrived at the club, yet. By 18h10, impatience got the better of Wynand and a call was placed to Louis. Louis answered with a very relaxed voice, informing Wynand that they, (Louis & Nadene) were just about to leave his house, and that they still had enough time.

Wynand in his diplomatic way and not so diplomatic voice; drew Louis’s attention to the fact that the function should have started at 17h00 and that it was then 18h10. Louis then informed Wynand that the notice of the function clearly stated 18h30. Unfortunately, the picture that painted these 1000 words with the inclusion of the timeline 18h30 was for the lights run, two weeks later.

Needless to say, Louis & Nadene arrived in time for the “lights run”, unfortunately at the year-end function. At this very function, Nadene was awarded the “Dummy of the year” award, or as I call it the ‘Doffie Award”. I now have to wonder if it is something that runs in the family. We already know that the family runs ☺☺☺

Our first story of 2018 is all about a possible visit to the ophthalmologists for Marks Mathebula. Marks’ is very seldom, if ever, seen without his dark glasses, I even thought of calling him “Shades”. At the first race of this year at ECO Park, Marks was as usual, running with his shades until about the halfway mark, when Candice v/d Spuy asked Marks why he was wearing ‘these funny’ dark glasses. Marks’ was a bit taken aback because he always runs with dark glasses until Candice pointed out that there was only one lens in the frame. Marks felt the glasses and yes, Candice did not joke, the frame had only one lens in. The question now remains, if you can do half the distance of a race, without realising that one eye is looking through a darkened lens and the other into bright morning sunlight, without noticing the difference, your next call should be to the ophthalmologists.

Our second story is about another of our well-known members of the club, none other than our club manager. Wynand, after being prompted by Ansie (his wife) decided it was time for a new running vest. Being a man that has been using running vests for many a year, Wynand knew exactly what size to buy. (or so he thought.)

Ansie, as a good wife should, transferred all the age category numbers, the “W’s” for walker and don’t forget, the small green permanent number for 10 completed Comrades to the new vest. It looked so smart Wynand even considered sleeping in the vest, until Ansie put him straight about that foolish notion.

Come race morning for the Akasia race, Wynand was excited to get dressed with his brand new racing vest. And that was when disaster struck. This vest, although the label was the same size on as his old vest, did not fit like the old vest. From what I could gather about the tightness of the fit, it could best be described as the same as a prophylactic.

There are of course a few possibilities as to what could be the cause of this incorrect fit of the vest. It was just after the Christmas holidays and those second helpings or the additional pint of cold malt could have had an influence, or it could be that the vest was from a different supplier as not all XL’s are the same?

​Sorry Wynand, but this was just too good not to be reported on. It will be much easier to buy a bigger vest than to wait to lose the weight.

Well folks, that's it for this report so cheers for eers.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, some people in the club are in the running for the ‘Doffie award” this year, they cannot stop themselves. One of our members, Kerry Trentham is taking the exercise thing very serious lately. He entered for a triathlon and Jan & Daléne van Vuuren offered him and the family accommodation at their place, as it was near the venue for the event. The event was something like swimming1.5 km, cycling 40 km and running 10 km.

With his cycle on the rack at the back of his vehicle, an Amarok “nogal”, they set off to the van Vuuren’s, who stay on a farm road where there are no street lights. Unfortunately, Kerry missed the turnoff because of the utter darkness, and had to reverse. Now it is not clear if the Amarok that Kerry drive’s is fitted with a reverse light, but Kerry could not see a darn thing behind him while reversing. Being careful, or so he professes, Kerry did not move faster than about 3 km per hour in reverse. Confidential source near the family seem to think it was much faster, but since we don’t want to start a domestic dispute, we will stick to the original. All of a sudden, as can be expected on a farm road, a tree jumped in front of this reversing vehicle. It was later established that the tree was under the influence of alcohol.

By the time Kerry heard the sound of something crumbling, the damage was done. The cycle, no longer road worthy, or is that race worthy, was hanging on the bike rack, the end result of the reversing act. With this dilemma facing him, not being able to partake without a cycle, Kerry was about to give up on the triathlon. Daleen, however, offered her bike to him, for the event only. Daleen being a petit lady and Kerry an oversize man, the relationship between him & Daléne’s bike was something to watch in awe. The bike literally fitted Kerry like a G String.

In spite of all this, Kerry did complete the triathlon, not in the time he had in mind, but with a bit of a bruised ego, he did finish. Well done Kerry!!!!

Compulsive cleaners can be a problem for serious runners. The same Kerry was out on a practice run, and in his stride, at a pre-determined spot, dropped a bottle of water in the grass next to the road, in order to have water on his way back. Sort of creating an own water table for himself. Unfortunately for him, Elize Cronje, a lady that is concerned about the environment, came along and spotted the plastic bottle with water.

Muttering under her breath about people not caring what they do to the environment she picked up the bottle and took it with her to the nearest dirt bin. Kerry on his return leg of the run stopped and could not believe his own eyes that the bottle was no longer there. When the two of them met later, the puzzle become clear, and the mystery of the disappearing water bottle became a laugh. Kerry, in future, marking your bottle with a permanent marker, something like, leave alone, I will return, as ET did, may do the trick!

Some people can also say, with friends like this, who needs enemies. But then, maybe if one is a wee bit vane, something out of the ordinary should happen, just to bring you back to ground level.  Dirk Cloete took part in a rather challenging trail run. On the run he met up with Bennie Roux, an ex member of our club, but also a training partner of Dirk. Although they are friends, they are also rivals when it comes to trail running. Dirk being the more senior and Bennie the young runner.

When they met up on a spot along the route, Dirk asked Bennie if he would mind taking an action photo of himself (Dirk) with his cell phone. Bennie agreed and Dirk went back a short distance to work up a head of steam, for the action photo. This was all Bennie required to send a message on Dirk’s cell phone to Dirk’s Facebook account about what a fantastic friend Bennie is and how he, Dirk admired Bennie. Dirk was none the wiser until much later, when someone pointed out the message on Facebook to him and asked about it. Only then did the penny drop.  Things you don’t let others get their hands on; is your Pin numbers and cell phones, especially not if it is your rival Dirk.

And then there is the upcoming Chairman’s Ball, with a theme of “Phantom of the Opera”. Now the question arises, what is a “Phantom”? There are different explanations for this word, but the most common is, but not limited to, something apparently seen, heard, or sensed, but having no physical reality, a ghost or an apparition, something elusive or delusive, an image that appears only in the mind.

Well I tell you, this “Phantom” has made itself seem quite real. On some of the invitations on e-mail the invite read 3-course meal, and then on others, 3 course mean. This is an unexplained phenomenon, as nobody has the answer how could this happen, nobody is taking responsibility for changing the word. So maybe, just maybe, this manager’s award could have a few more unexplained surprises awaiting you on the evening.

Could the food really be a “Phantom” meal? If some of the invitations say it will be a 3-course meal and the rest a 3 course mean? Well, I am not sure exactly just how mean the food will be, but luckily there will be a cash bar to wash it down with, if it is too mean. Hope to see many members there, to finish the mean/meal food.

Well folks that’s it for now, so cheers vir eers.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, there is an old adage “too many cooks spoil the broth” and lo and behold, it is
true. Carla Hamman had to make soup for a league race and hubby Gerald helped. On the
race day, Carla wanted to warm the soup slowly before they set out to do the race, but many a
club member, without being asked for their opinion, made all sorts of suggestions. What time
to warm the soup, how high the temperature should be etc?

Poor old Gerald was as confused as a chameleon in a smarty box, and he was easily led by
what appeared to be more experienced “cooks” and that is when the soup burned. To top it
all, it was suggested to stir the burned soup, ensuring that the nice burned flavour is now well
mixed within the entire pot. Needless to say, when Carla returned from her run, and was met
by the burned soup situation, all the “cooks” that were giving advice were nowhere to found.

Carla was so embarrassed about the disastrous soup experience she actually went home and
buried the soup. This soup died an unnatural death by the sound of it. Carla, I trust that you
buried it as a sign that it passed on and not in the hope that it will grow.

A belated Comrades story is that of Heleen de Bruin, Emile Myburgh, and Danie
Cornelissen. These three members were running together and enjoying their race, with their
names on the number on the front of their vests, until some wise ass read Emile as Emily.
And that was it, from that point in the race Emile became Emily and the actual laughter of the
other two made the distance somewhat shorter, be it at the expense of “Emily”.

We now know that too many cooks spoil the broth, but too many organisers can also spoil the
pancakes. Somewhere between the planning triangle of the “bar moeders”, the social
committee chairman (lady) and the representative of the Doringboom Bende. The numbers
of members to be catered for against the number of pancakes to be made was miscalculated.
Then there was the misunderstanding; if only filled pancakes were to be made, or would
sweet pancakes also be required.

So many toys were thrown from the individual prams/cots, it nearly created a tripping hazard
in the Lapa. Fortunately, the bakers were not put off from their task and went about their
business as usual, and in the end, all work out well. I just wonder who threw his/her dummy
at me, which was thrown from a pram, and I eventually left with it, and it tasted like……no I
will let you wonder.

Well folks, that’s it for now so cheers vir eers.
The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, it is truly amazing just how flexible some of our members are. This one member in particular, taking into consideration his age, after all he is a Great Grand Master, yes that is what the old GGM stood for before they changed it to 70 on the age category flash.

And to think some of the younger members thought it stood for geriatric. Gerard v/d Raad, better known as Oom Gerard caravan, is so flexible he can put his foot in his mouth. Maybe not physically, but in a manner of speaking, he did. Gerhard phoned Wynand to inform him, ever so tongue in cheek and with his normal air of authority that Wynand slipped up in the newsletter.

Gerard pointed out to Wynand, in no uncertain terms, that Wynand posted the incorrect information about the Jackie Mekler, that it was a league race and according to Athletics Gauteng North it was decided at a meeting (that Wynand attended) that it was not a league race.

Wynand, flabbergasted, asked where Gerard obtained this critical information, while searching his memory for clues as to how he could have made such a mistake. With a smile that Wynand could observe even via the phone, Gerard asked, from his high horse, did you not read your minutes of the meeting that was send out by AGN?

Wynand tendered an apology and immediately went to the PC and searched for this E Mail with these damning minutes of the meeting. When Wynand found this evidence that Gerard held him hostage with, and reading it slowly, like it should be read by all, the truth of the matter was clear to all.

Written in the Queen’s English, it clearly states that the AGN committee decided that the Jackie Mekler race on 7 th May 2016 will not be a league race. Wynand phoned Gerard, and slowly, like you should speak to the elderly, explained the difference that this was actually the decision for the 2016 race and that we are now in 2017.

Don’t worry Gerard we will all get there eventually, if we live long enough. I have heard of mobile banking but some members have given it a complete new meaning.  Gerard’s brother, Bert, a social member at our club, was one of the volunteers that helped at the Wings for Life world run. For this “help” you were rewarded with a T-shirt, food package, and small bottle of water, and a hot meal afterwards. A cash amount of R200.00 would then also be deposited into your banking account.

Wynand, our club manager was administrating this function and all the helpers had to forward their banking details to Wynand. All EFT’s went smooth until Wynand got to Bert v/d Raad’s transfer. Every time Wynand tried to transfer the funds to Bert’s account the banks system rejected the transfer. Wynand rechecked to see if he did not make a mistake with the banking details and then proceeded to copy the bank account number supplied by Bert and paste it into the bank’s space for this purpose.

The transfer was again rejected. Out of pure frustration Wynand, while sitting in front of his PC, decided to phone Bert to make sure he has the correct banking detail. He looked up Bert’s cell phone number, and was about to dial when he saw that this number looked similar to the bank account number that Bert had sent to him. Low and behold, it was the same number. Bert has just given mobile banking a complete new face. Use your mobile phone and get the money transferred directly to your phone. The only problem is getting the money out of the phone. Sorry Bert, wrong banking account. I cannot help but wonder what we can expect from the younger brother Co.

Well folks that’s it for now, so cheers vir eers. Talk to you after the big C, if I survive it.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, the Ultra has come and gone, and with it and surrounding it also a few stories, so let’s share it with the members. In planning a race of the magnitude of the Modern Athlete takes time and effort. For years Irene had a race committee that takes care of just that, planning etc. In order to facilitate correspondence between members a WA group was established. We all know social media is always under scrutiny from everybody, and especially from the Running Reporter.

To save possible further embarrassment I will not reveal names, but I will walk you through a text conversation between two members on WA, when the one member though she was talking to her beloved, but it turned out the race committee members all got the message.  Excuse the pun but bear with me as this is in Afrikaans. All the line except the third line was from our lady so in love. The third line was from one of the race committee members.

Goeiemôre my Beer

Hoe het jy geslapies?

Dankie die beer het lekker geslapies.

Sorry!!

Yes social media can be fun, but also embarrassing. Rest assured, we, the insiders, saw the romantic and the funny side of it.

Like I said, planning the Modern Athlete required many a meeting and more so for our club manager Wynand, who also had to attend a meeting with the Joint Operation Centre of Tshwane, where all major functions and events are planned, and permission granted for such.  These meetings always take place on a Wednesday and Wynand had to attend the last meeting in the week before the big race on the Sunday. Wynand arrived at the venue in good time and was for once the first person there. As time dragged on Wynand became concerned that he was the only one attending this important meeting.

Wynand subsequently phoned the chairman of the meeting who politely informed him that the meeting was on Thursday. Shocked and flabbergasted Wynand asked when this day and date was changed, and in turn the JOC chairman informed Wynand that the last meeting of the month has always been on a Thursday.

When Wynand consulted his notes with the diary of meeting dates he realised that it was actually printed in bold red letters that the last meeting of the month was on a Thursday.  Wynand, who has a way of pointing out to members that they should please read information before acting, had in this instance not practiced what he preaches.

Long before branded clothing became the in-thing, people had a preference for certain items like certain oil, barbershop, restaurant, make-up, and even vehicles. Our chairman, Louis, is an ardent fan of Toyota and in his opinion, there will never be a vehicle to equal or better a Toyota. Due to congestion on race day (too many cars for not enough tar) the start of the race was delayed with 15 minutes that become 20 minutes because of the lead vehicle not wanting to start when it was all systems go. You guessed it, the lead vehicle was a Toyota, and Louis was one of the people having to push the Toyota to get it going. Difficult for Louis to swallow, but facts speak loader than personal opinions.

Just how big can the male ego be? Someone once said when it comes to the male ego, the head is just like a hot air balloon, it gets bigger and the brain falls around inside, because the brain does not swell with the head. One of the athletes, a petite, pretty young female on the Sunday unfortunately locked her car keys inside the car. The first reaction was to call a locksmith which proved to be unsuccessful as he could not open the vehicle. This vehicle required “special” tools etc and it would cost at a minimum in excess of R2500.00 to start with. After a short discussion it was decided that a new window would cost less than the specialised locksmith.

Louis, the chairman, called over CJ Gresse and asked him to help the lady to break the window with the aid of a hammer. As was suggested CJ took up the task with vigour and with a gentle tap of the hammer broke the window. The glass was kept in place by the anti smash and grab and CJ proceeded with the palm of his hand to “smash” the window out. The anti smash and grab held firm but gave way enough for CJs hand to go through the glass and he sustained a nasty cut. The window got its revenge on CJ for the blow with the hammer.

CJ, I guess the deflation of the hot air balloon type ego was a bit of a letdown, but so we live and learn. You did your good deed and we stick with that.

Nadene, our chairman’s wife, is a seasoned runner, and it must have been a real ‘Doffie” moment when she packed her running gear for the last time trial before the Ultra race. She arrived at the club without running socks. Weighing up the costs between riding back home or purchasing a new pair from the clothing shop, neither idea appealed to her and she opted to run without socks. Taking the “Doffie” moment even further she attempted to do the 8 kilo time trial without socks, trusting her skin to be just as tough if not tougher than the inside of her shoes.

Eventually, just before the blister stage, sanity prevailed and she stopped and took off the shoes and started walking back to the clubhouse, barefoot, and ego in tatters. Nadene, I trust you have lost this round of running, but have learned a valuable lesson.

Our last story is a bit a bragging session about Gauteng North runners and about a runner that got so fed up, or as they say in Afrikaans “Gatvol” with a race. During the SA Marathon championship race in Durban, 109 runners representing different provinces took part. Out of these runners only 49 completed the race. The cause of this dramatic number of none finishers was, to sum it up in one word, “humidity” It was very warm in Durban with unbearable humidity, and most runners had difficulty breathing. Gauteng North entered 17 runners and all 17 finished. Now that is something to write home about!

One of our runners, Ansie Breytenbach also suffered severely in the heat and humidity, almost to a point of giving up, was it not for the encouragement of Wynand along the way. The race was a two lapper and on the second lap Ansie could not take the heat anymore, and when passing the swimming pools on the Marine Parade, just stopped for the day. Fully clothed in her running gear (skoene en al) she dived into the swimming pool and swam a length. When she climbed out on the other side, she felt so refreshed that she started running again and completed the race, finishing 3rd in her category. The tenacity of the Gauteng North team and that of Ansie, (swimming included) earned the Gauteng team, three out of four team prizes.

Well done!! Ansie, was your race called a duathlon?

Well folks that’s it for this month so cheers vir eers.
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The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, we are one month further into the year, and also one month closer to Comrades. When my kids were still very small, keeping them busy was to give them a newspaper and watch as they tore it to pieces. We used to say ‘they read the pictures and laugh at the words’. Well my next story is something similar, only this kid is a mother of working children. Elaine Cuffe recently took part in a race in KZN while being in the company of Samantha Hall.

Elaine was stopped by a race referee and her attention was drawn to the race number obscuring the sponsor’s name of the provincial license she had on. The referee informed her that she could be disqualified for this action but will let her off with a warning this time.  Elaine, wanting to be the good club member she always is, immediately texted on WA, and every other way she could use to warn all her running friends of this “new rule”!.

This was news to Elaine and was quite a shock to find this out in KZN. Meanwhile, back home in the Irene News, this was reported in January that this is the new rule and runners must take note. When Wynand asked Elaine if she reads the news letter, she replied she only looks at the photos. Well Elaine, reading the pictures and laughing at the words nearly cost you a disqualification.

When you are a prim and proper person, using a word that could be interpreted incorrectly, could lead to embarrassment. Adriaan van der Merwe was competing in a race and in the group was Henk Basson and Joy Nicholl. At a certain point in the race, Adriaan had to pull off for a nature’s call. When he rejoined the group he looked perplex and remarked in Afrikaans Ek het my mannetjie verloor! In English that would be, I lost my little man.  

The group was dumbstruck by this sudden revelation from Adriaan, and not sure what to reply just jogged on. Henk not wanting to embarrass Adriaan, but also wanting to satisfy his growing curiosity, asked if it was a number one or two, which forced Adriaan into the bushes.  The logical explanation to his revelation would be that it was a number two and something went horribly wrong, maybe something unforeseen bit something that should not be seen.

Slowly the penny dropped and Adriaan, slightly embarrassed explained that it is his champion chip with the small Comrades icon on, that was damaged in the pit stop, and the “little man” Comrades icon is in actual fact what was lost.

I have often heard of actions speak louder than words, but Clinton Nicholl gave a new meaning to this phrase. The club approached Clinton to make 2 new “braai” drums for the club. Clinton is in the type of business where this can be done. Clinton gave his workers two drums with the instruction to cut the drums in half and make two braai drums with grids. Upon his return he found that four braai drums with grids were made. When he enquired about this his workers politely replied that he gave then 2 drums, and 2 drums, cut in half make 4 halves and therefore, 4 braai drums with grids were made. Actions do speak louder than words.

Alzheimer’s is a terrible sickness which I don’t wish on anybody, but it is a fact of life that many people suffer from it, and forgetting things, people, events, names etc is what happens to these people suffering from this dreaded decease. But it is not only Alzheimer’s that make people forget, sometimes old age also plays its part. Then there are the people that just do not want to show up and then claim they forgot, no Alzheimer’s or old age to blame. Two of our committee members, one the chairman fell foul to this excuse.  

The committee had to interview the new cocktail dispensers (bar ladies) and Henk Basson was suppose to be there. He claimed that he completely forgot, but then, with a personalised number plate that reads “Oupa” (meaning grandfather) I guess, maybe, just maybe it could be contributed to old age, and that Henk even forgot to set a reminder on his cell phone. Louis on the other hand, was supposed to come and help with the filling of the lanterns and only remembered well after all the work was done and everything was packed away.

Now that to me sounds like a story, considering all the means of reminders like cell phones, wife, children etc, and to still put this ‘I forgot’ forward as an excuse. Sorry Louis, it does not fly. And if that was not bad enough, Louis forgot something even worse.

The club is running a competition for all members to attempt (in proportion) to lose the most weight in a specific time period. One of our attractive ladies in the club immediately wanted to claim the prize, even before the first weighing. When questioned about it she claimed she just lost 82 kilograms of ugly fat, she divorced her husband. Unfortunately my dear, that does not qualify you for the prize.

To get back to the chairman’s forgetfulness, Louis was supposed to bring a bathroom scale for the official last weighing on the 28th February. Needless to say the scale was conveniently forgotten. I have it on good authority that Kerry Trentham was very glad that the scale was forgotten as he could not make it to the club as he feels he might be in with a chance of winning this competition. Incidentally, Kerry is still married to his wife.

So there you have it folks, you be the judge, did these gentlemen actually forget, or what?

That’s it for this month so cheers vir eers.

The Running Reporter

​Ja well no fine, let me introduce myself to all the new members and some of the existing “old” members. I am the Running Reporter. I am a member of the club. I attend time trials, road races, club arranged races, functions and everything that happens where our club is involved. If your actions are normal, you will not make my report, but do something out of the ordinary or plain stupid, and everyone in the club will read about it.

That being said let’s look at my first 2 stories for 2017. I know all members of the club that own a running watch will or should be aware of the 12 or 24 time on a watch. Pity some people don’t remember this in their private life as well. Joy Ann Nicholl and Candice van der Spuy have been practicing together, one motivating the other and so forth.

Due to all the holiday makers making their way back to clock into the salt mines, many had to fetch their animals from the kennels that Joy owns and operates. Being the bread and butter of Joy, running had to shift to the back burner on that faithful afternoon, and the normal practice time of early afternoon had to be extended to late afternoon, something like 18h00.

Unfortunately when Joy spoke to Candice, she used 6 o’clock and assumed that Candice would automatically understand that it meant 18h00.  Candice accepted the 6 o’clock as 06h00 and early the next morning arrived at Joy’s house to go running. Now my informant did not specify anything as to what may have been consumed the previous evening, but Joy was not all bright eyed and bushy tailed when she was rudely awakened by Candice. Let that be a lesson, use the 24 hour clock and all will understand.

Our chairman Louis and his wife Nadene celebrated their silver anniversary recently and as a gift, thank you, cease fire or whatever. Louis was planning to take Nadene to Italy to celebrate their 25 years as a married couple. I can understand that with the Rand not so strong, that where possible, costs have to be cut, so Louis looked at the more economical flights available and picked Lufthansa. Unfortunately by flying with Lufthansa there is no direct flight to Italy, so Frankfurt in Germany is the stopover before proceeding to Italy.

Louis is a man that plans ahead so he very subtly informed Nadene that they should pick their clothing for flying in, carefully, as it will be very cold when they reach Europe, which is now in the grips of a very cold winter. Wanting to be well prepared, Nadene googled the weather in Frankfort and with a smile informed Louis that there is no reason to be concerned as the weather prediction for Frankfort is 17º at lowest and 34º at highest, so they can look forward to a warm landing.

The pronunciation of Frankfort and Frankfurt has a slight difference, of about 13,245 kilo’s and the flying time also differs considerably. Frankfort in the Free State will experience fine sunshine weather, but Frankfurt in Germany will be bitterly cold. Nadene, I am so glad Louis is taking you to Italy and not to France, just imagine looking up the weather in Parys as well!

I have always said to runners that objects on the road are like musical notes, you either C sharp or you B flat. Carla Hartmann found that out the hard way. While on a race, and passing time, like some woman do, she was running off at the mouth, and did not notice the ‘cats’ eye in the middle of the road. Poor Carla took a tumble and forever and a day bought a large piece of tar. With a gaping wound and blood streaming from her she managed to get back to the tent/caravan where Bertha v/d Raad, a retired nursing sister assisted her.

After cleaning the wound, Bertha’s observation was that the wound required stitches, so off Carla went to the hospital. The next Tuesday Carla was sporting 4 stitches that were keeping the once gaping wound now closed. Carla, we wish you a speedy return to the road, but in future, keep the eyes open and the injuries down.

Well folks that’s it for this month so cheers vir eers.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, just before we start with the Christmas cheer, a few stories to help you get into the spirit.

Our first story is not so much about running, but indeed about one of our regular podium position runners. Ansie Breytenbach had to go and have her driver’s license renewed.  Unfortunately due to an eye problem, Ansie failed her eye test. Ansie then went and saw an optometrist, who did a proper test and gave her a certificate, giving her the proverbial green light. When she got to the licensing department with the test certificate she applied for the license again, as well as for a temporary licence while awaiting the new license.

The temporary licence was for 6 months, but Ansie only realised it expired, 6 months after the expiry date, that is, 1 year later. Ansie went to the license department to enquire about her “new” license that should be there by now. Sickening was the news that the license came, was kept for 6 months and when not collected, was send back. The drill now is for Ansie to be re-tested, again, that is, the eyes, and then the whole application for a new license has to be filled out. Ansie, did you know that your cell phone has a reminder facility with an alarm option?

You must have heard the expression “short cut” and “missing the bus” well let me try and put this into perspective for our members. Short cut could refer to hair, or your lawn or something similar, but taking a “short cut” is an attempt to lessen the travel distance or save time on travelling, or both. For many years our club has won the biggest bus award at the Tom Jenkins Race held at the Union buildings and that was this years’ intention!

The modus operandi in the past was that our faster runners/walkers would complete the race and then go back via the route to join the trolley “bus” and all arrive at the finish line to claim the biggest bus award. This year however, the organisers were wise to our ways and did a “bus” count somewhere on the route and we fell short! Gerhard & Bertha v/d Raad wanted to do their part after completing their respective races, they did not want to walk back along the route to meet the “bus” but took a “short cut” across the lawns at the union building to wait for the Irene “bus” to arrive.

After waiting for an extended period in the scorching sun they realised that the “bus” must surely have passed the point where they were standing, so they returned to the finish, only to find that they had in fact “Missed the Bus” by taking a short cut. So, by taking a “short cut” you may just “miss the bus” folks, let there be a lesson in this for all of us.

The newly elected management team went on their annual break-away to start the planning for the clubs activities for the year 2017. In an attempt to keep costs down they only paid for accommodation and the food was going to be the responsibility of the catering couple, Stephan and Elna Mee. On Saturday night, Stephan, who as a rule is of sober habit, did cut loose a bit and had one or maybe, quite a few too many. The reason for this is not entirely clear yet, but the following reasons were possible maybes’.

The family Mee will be returning to the UK early next year and that alone would have driven me, as a person, to drink. Then there was the fact that the Springboks lost to Wales and that could have been a reason for Stephan to celebrate, for Wales, or feel disgusted with the Boks. I believe Stephan through his springbok jersey into the trash can, but the trash can through it straight back in his face.

Needless to say, the Sunday morning arrived and the management team, with the exception of the family Mee arrived for breakfast. After an uncomfortable wait, some of the management team members that were domestically orientated started making their own breakfast in order to get it done and hit the road. During the morning sometime, Elna surfaced, but the majority of the team had already left before Stephan awakened from his deep sleep.

So, we are again reminded that even the most faithful of committee members, every now and then, the cracks show and we miss a beat.

Our last story of the year is the other half of Ansie, our Clubs General Manager, none other than Wynand. Now I do believe most of our club members are aware of the following song, “I have a dream” with words so fitting I cannot help but mention it here:

I have a dream, a fantasy
Too help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile

Wynand, (I do not know what sparked it) recently had a very bad dream, yes you guessed it, he dreamt that he ran a marathon. When he eventually woke up, in a cold sweat, he went to the toilet “pit stop” had a drink of water and went back to bed. After falling asleep – again - the worst happened, he dreamt he ran another marathon. This is now getting close to a comrades distance, bar a short time trial. When he woke the next morning his right leg and hip were so sore he could hardly get out of bed. The reality of the dream has left a lasting impression on Wynand. Wynand, that last line of the song, “Pushing through the darkness still another mile” is what did the damage, you should have stopped at 42, or got into the Avis bus.

Well folks, that’s it for this month and year, so I will bid you all a very happy Christmas and an injury free year in 2017. Come back refreshed and give me plenty to write about. So cheers vir eers.

The Running Reporter