Ja well no fine, at last I have a few stories to share with my fellow runners at Irene. As all runners know, planning is a very important part of a runner’s life. Planning the exercise routine, correct clothing, distance to travel, time etc. Our manager, Wynand is very good at planning, one just has to look at the races that Irene presents and you can see Wynand’s hand in it all.

Wynand and Ansie went down to Cape Town to take part in the Cape Town Marathon. Cape Town being known for its baby weather (wet and windy) prompted Wynand to acquire two umbrellas, the short fold-up type the British so fondly refer to as a brolly. The 2 brollies were bought and packed, and off they were to the fair Cape. On the day of registration, when they left their place of accommodation, it was fine weather all round. But when they arrived at the venue to collect their respective numbers, it was duck weather.

And I give you one guess where the “brollies” were? No not in the handbag, not in the sport bag, not in the boot of the vehicle, but keeping the room in the guesthouse very dry from the sifting rain. It is like going to war without your rifle Wynand. In Cape Town, you take the “Brolly” with, even if the sun is shining.

In my previous report I mentioned Nadene Visser as a compulsive bleeder. She has done it again, this time sounding like an old TV sweet advert, “Take two, take two”. This time Nadene fell and had both knees bleeding. If memory serves me correct it is her 4 th bleeding experience to date this year. Was it a fall, or apologising for a wrong doing, only Louis will know?

I am sure you are all aware that taking shortcuts can have a negative outcome, like getting lost, running into trouble or worst, injuring yourself. But if the shortcut is taken indoors, in your own house, then a certain word springs to mind that I will not put pen to paper about.

Our vivacious blond Admin lady, Zelna Black, while skipping through her house like a primary school girl, took a shortcut and fractured her small toe against a door. Well that is the story she told us, it has not been verified by James yet. Sorry about the injury Zelna, hope to see you back on the road soon.

Just how big must you open your mouth to get both feet into it at once? Ask Andre Oosthuizen, he has the answer. Andre and Heidi Oosthuizen were talking to Wynand and Ansie at the club the Tuesday before the Chairman’s Ball. Wynand convinced them to attend and it was arranged that they would sit at the same table.

It is no secret that Ansie is a bit younger than Wynand, but boy, does she clean up well when out of her running clothes, to look even younger. The Oosthuizen couple joined the Breytenbach couple at their table and the evening went well until curiosity got the better of Andre and the question slipped out, “who is this lady with Wynand”? After the laughter had died down, and it was explained that it is the same Ansie that spoke to them on Tuesday, did the rush of blood turn Andre’s face into an obscure red colour. Andre, you can take your feet out of your mouth now, and don you running shoes again. If you speed up you will not only see Ansie from the back disappearing in the distance, you might even see her face.

Some people take events to a different level, and Werner van der Merwe did just that at the chairman’s ball. Werner and his companion, Thea van Helden hardly sat out one dance. If you are on the floor continuously like they were, I guess your shoes would need the type of protection the Rolling Stones sang about in “Under the Boardwalk” And your shoes get so hot you wish your tired feet were fire proof. Werner basically danced the soles off his shoes. The sole actually separated from the shoe. Is it the dance style, the speed, the move, or a defect shoe? Werner, maybe you should be “Dancing on the ceiling” It is always sad when a child falls off his/her bicycle, but when an adult falls, it can be quite hilarious. Kerry Trentham was the lead vehicle “bicycle” for the walkers at our King Price race.

Now we are not placing any blame on the speed of the walkers, but Kerry was going so slow, he actually fell over. According to Kerry he could not get his foot out of the cleats and that is why he fell over. Another source of information on this matter feels it has something to do with the “spirit level” syndrome. No matter how Kerry sits or stands, the bubble stays in the middle. Kerry, be glad you did not ride as lead bicycle for the fast runners, because at that speed you could have hurt more than just the ego.

Cattle farmers will tell you, cattle have a constant need to replenish salt, especially in warmer weather. Thea van Helden must have resembled a salt lick or smelled like salt to cows while doing marshalling duty at the King Price race. Thea was standing with her little red flag, directing the runners when a number of cows approached her. She desperately wanted to “shoo” them away to clear the way for the runners, but the red flag seemed to attract the cows.

I am not sure if it was her shampoo, conditioner, soap, deodorant, bath salt, body lotion or what, but the cows liked her smell. Maybe it was her perspiration, but the cows took to it and started licking Thea. Some of the runners actually stopped and patted the cows, maybe as encouragement, but Thea got a thorough wash from the cows. Thea, was all that wetness dripping down your legs just from the cows tongues? No you don’t have to answer.

Our helpers’ run was once again proof that a lead vehicle is a necessary requirement. Ansie Breytenbach, who ran the 10k and then had to go and ‘man’ the 18k water table pushed on a bit and was leading the pack, by far. So far ahead in fact that she did not know the exact route, and at that speed, her built in GPS did not function properly. So Ansie, like a few times in the past, did the scenic detour and ran a loooonnngg 10k. Sorry Ansie, but it comes with the territory.

Ns. Feedback received was that Zelna had some wire implant in her small toe. It did not do much for the pain in her toe, but the reception is much clearer for the cell phone.

Well folks that all for now, so cheers vir eers.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, I have nearly lost my knack for writing an article because our members are so scared to do something wrong and feature in my report. I have a few incidents to bring to the attention of the members so let’s take them as I recall the incidents.

Our club manager, Wynand is a man that is in pain at this moment of this report. Wynand walked with new shoes and had the mother of all blisters on his heal, and the skin peeled off. Sorry about that Wynand but I still have to report on another indiscretion you were involved in.

Wynand and Ansie went to a race and Wynand bought the entries. Back at the caravan, when Wynand started looking for his wife’s entry, it was gone, vanished into thin air. The questions were asked, did you buy 2 entries? Yes, 2 entries were bought!! So retracting his steps Wynand made his way back to the entries table in search of the lost entry for Ansie.

No luck in the search between the entries table and the caravan. Even the wind direction was taken into account and in a circle route the steps were retraced yet again to find this missing entry. The final outcome was getting more money out of the wallet and go yet again for another entry, this time Ansie went with to make sure. Only then did it dawn on Wynand to check his chest where his own entry was attached with safety pins. Big was his surprise to find that both entries were in fact on his chest. Eish, age is not kind to all people.

I have just found out that we have a member in our club that suffers from Epistaxis. This member is none other the chairman’s wife Nadene. It should not affect the member’s ability to run, but it could be a nuisance while out on the road. To the rest of the members, don’t panic, it is not contagious; epistaxis is just a fancy medical name for a common nose bleed.

According to the medical definition, the nose's job is to warm and moisten the air we breathe. Sometimes, when the air around us is very dry and cold, the nose has to work overtime and can get irritated. Your nose is lined with a bunch of tiny blood vessels that are just under the surface. It doesn't take much force to break through the thin layer of skin to the vessel and cause a nosebleed, especially during excessive nose blowing. And here I thought it was caused by Louis dishing out a few blows with the back hand.

Our last story reminds me of an old radio serial on Sprinbok radio, that the more senior members will remember, called “Ongewenste Vreemdeling” Let me explain, and for reasons I think you will all appreciate I will not mention the members name that sparked this association with the radio program.

The modern electronic media is both a great help and an irritation at times. When dealing with large numbers on your distribution list many a thing can go wrong that could cause E Mails not reaching the intended destination. It could be that the list is too long and the sending server sees it as “spam’ or the receiving server see it as “spam’ and direct the mail to your ”junk mail” as an example.

One of our members did not receive the weekly Irene News for a few weeks and felt aggrieved. The member put pen to paper, or is it finger to keyboard, and wrote to the Manager to share his aggravation. Words to the following were used to express the suspected reasons for not receiving the Irene News. “I suspect that due to my nature as a trouble causer, I am not receiving any electronic mail” Unfortunately, due to electronic problems outside the ambit of the Irene News editors control, this member did not receive any mail. Well, it would appear that we have a self proclaimed, stirrer in the club, which we did not even know about, until this mail.

The question now arises, should the management team consider introducing a ‘Stirrer of the Month Spoon” and so brandish some members, that could become another award at the end of the years like the “Doffie Award”?
Well folks, this is cheers vir eers, as I have no other news to share with you.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, news is slow but then, so are some of our runners. I have some news from the
Forever Loskop, and man what a fitting name, because some of our runners were a bit
“Loskop”. I guess for the runners in this part of the report it should be the Forgetful Loskop,
and not the Forever Loskop.

Werner v/d Merwe has what is called a “lucky hat” that he always runs with. I can only
presume he also had a lucky blanket or some stuffed toy that he used to sleep with but that is
neither here nor there. How come a person that is so dependable on his “Lucky Hat” forgets
to pack the hat when going to a race? Well be it as it may, Werner forgot his hat and was
forced to use a peak at the Loskop. So I assume his less than best time will be blamed on the
“Lucky Hat” not being on his head but in the closet at home.

Our second forever forgetful runner is Stephan Olieman, who, I am sure was so scared of
running a bad time he even forgot to take his running watch! Now I have forgotten many a
thing in my long running career but never a watch. I think I should suggest to our committee,
as a service to our members, to draw up a checklist for the runners to eliminate this “I forgot
to bring this” or “I forgot to pack this”. They should just stay away from “I forgot to bring

Our third runner did not so much forget something, in a manner of speaking but did forget to
check that it was the correct apparel that was packed for the race. Dee Donaldson, on race
day at the Forever Loskop, nearly lost it all when she realised that she did not pack a pair of
running shorts. Well that is not entirely true, she did pack a running short, but not hers.

Dee’s hubby is also a runner and Dee mistakenly took his running pants and packed it for the
Loskop race. On race day she realised her mistake when she put on the pants and it was
uncomfortable loose fitting on her. Her first thoughts of elation that she has lost a massive
amount of weight was soon replaced with the shock that the inner pants was not what should
be in her running shorts.

With no other running short available Dee had to make do with hubbies shorts and run the
race, with the pants flapping around her all the way. Unfortunately her hubby then had to do
his practice run with her running shorts and without really trying to, he ran hard.

My last article is again one of our esteemed committee members, none other than the
Chairman. This story, I am afraid, has something to do with another type of chair. It happens
to be that of the chair in a barber shop. Generally men go to a men’s barber and ladies to a
hair dresser. Louis unfortunately, to coin an Afrikaans saying “het sy ore uitgeleen” and
heard that ladies hairdressers are better than men’s barbers.

Well much to Louis’ surprise he got more than what he bargained for. He thought he was
only going for a “knippie” but he sustained an injury that made him resemble “Dr Spock”
from his right side.

Louis we trust that the injury inflicted by the hair dressers scissors will not leave a permanent
scar and that the pain was less than the sore toenails you will experience on comrades.
Speedy recovery for you and maybe your listening technique will improve.
Well folks that’s it for this report so cheers vir eers.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine. I am a bit late with the Running Reporters report but then I only got my number etc, etc last week.

Let me introduce myself to all the new members and some of the existing “old” members. I am the Running Reporter. I am a member of the club. I attend time trials, road races, club arranged races, functions and everything that happens where our club is involved. If your actions are normal, you will not make my report, but do something out of the ordinary or plain stupid, everyone in the club will read about it. I know it sounds like a cliché from the newspaper vendors in Cape Town selling the Argus but in this case it is true.

That said; let’s see what I can report on. In English they have a saying that he/she “was running so fast that one could not see them for dust”. In Afrikaans it is “hul hardloop dat die stof staan”. But what if you did not run or move at a fast speed? Zelna Black, our vivacious admin manager had a bit of a hic-up at a race the other day and she “bought a piece of ground” and fell like a ton of bricks. Her fall was remarkable in the sense that there was no blood (a dry fall) but she did manage to raise a cloud of dust. 

So in Afrikaans instead of her “hardloop dat die stof staan het sy geval dat die stof staan” Yes, poor ‘old’ Zelna really fell, that for a while she could not be seen for dust. Zelna, you did not have to go to this extreme to give me a story, but I gladly accept.

You all know the saying that “I’ve lost track of time” The question is how much time can we lose because we lost track of time. Another member of the management team, Frances Lezar was supposed to attend a meeting with the race committee. The date of the meeting is normally fixed at the previous meeting and Wynand then sends a reminder to ensure that the team “don’t lose track of time”.  

Frances, our lovely lady from the clothing shop must have had just one too many on her plate, or was it in her glass. She answered Wynand’s E-Mail reminding the members about the last meeting before the Lantern race. She pointed out that due to work related pressure she would not be able to attend, but this E Mail was only sent the day after the meeting. So losing track of time by at least a complete day makes me think Frances needs a holiday. 

For some people in the club, being one another’s “Valentine” is the in thing, or so they thought. Andre Rudolph & Vanessa White could not believe their luck that they both (the only two in the club) got pink club T Shirts when all the rest got white. When enquiring about this strange phenomenon from Wynand, and the shocking revelation that it is impossible that two T Shirts were made in pink, deeper analysis were done.  It became evident that while the two new T Shirts were washed first before use; a nice red number from Vanessa’s wardrobe found its way into the washing machine at the same time. Andre & Vanessa just put it down to supporting cancer and forget the rest.

Ansie Breytenbach has done it this time. While being in a rush to get to the time trial, Ansie packed what she thought was all the required items, including socks. When she arrived at the clubhouse and went to change, much to her surprise the socks, while in her tog bag changed to gloves. I can understand it if someone normally runs with  “Vibram” shoes that look like a glove for the foot, too then mistake your gloves for socks, but this was an all new for Ansie.  

Ansie arrived at the club without socks, and fortunately she could buy socks at the club shop, but Teresia Stander arrived without shoes! Someone, please tell me how you prepare to run a time trial without packing shoes? The only logical thing would be if you are more than confident that you will be winning the lucky draw (pair of shoes). Unfortunately that did not happen and some kind “Samaritan” lent her a pair of flip flops otherwise she would have spent the rest of the evening walking around barefoot.  

Modern technology can be a comfort or confusion. If in doubt ask James Black just how comfortable he is with his latest and greatest GPS device. For those who may not know, GPS is the acronym for Global Positioning System. James and his lovely wife Zelna intended to take part in the Sasol Marathon taking place at the Sasol Recreation Club in Secunda. James entered into his GPS device the Sasol Recreation club and the clever device plotted a route and ETA (Estimated Time of Arrival). 

When they travelled past the back end of Alberton, nearing the “Blokhuis” on the Sybrand van Niekerk highway Zelna got uneasy about the direction, knowing that Secunda is in Mpumalanga and they were heading away from it. James consulted the GPS again, this time adding to the Sasol Recreational Club the word Secunda. The picture changed dramatically and the estimated time of arrival changed to 06h00, the start time of the marathon. 

Realising that, that plane had left, they opted for the Bronkhorstspruit 32 race and again the GPS was consulted. Here the ETA showed 05h40, and the decision was taken to cut down 10 kilos on distance running, and go for the 32. The question now remains, is the device “stupid” or actually clever and the operator less than sharp so early in the morning. 

Unfortunately, this type of drama did not end with James, no, another committee member, Oom Gerard “caravan” v/d Raad also fell foul to the modern technology. Gerard was on his way to the new race “Love the Run” at Noordelikes Rugby Club. I know for a fact that Gerard has been in that area for races more times than what I have fingers and toes.  The old trusted route of Rachel de Beer, into Daan de Wet Nel and then President Steyn to Jopie Fourie was not opted for, but instead the GPS. Gerard realised he is going wrong when he went up Silkaats Nek, going towards Brits. In the case of Gerard I may understand the confusion as this man is not in the same age category as James, but much older, and to add to the problem, the operating instruction was in English, not High Dutch. 

There is a lesson to be learned from this, if you know the direction, follow instinct, not electronics. 

Have you ever had the feeling that certain events, cars, items or places have what we refer to as a ‘Jinx” on you? Well for our GM, Wynand, that place is East London. In order to understand I have to take our readers back a few years to 2013. Wynand was part of a seconding team for a few of our runners doing the ‘Washie” Our then club chairman, Pieter Olivier, was also taking part in the Washie. After the race and awards ceremony, the entire crew set off to a restaurant for a breakfast before heading home.

They were about 150 kilos away from the breakfast spot when they stopped for a leg stretch and realised that where the trailer should be behind Pieter’s car was only a vacant space. To cut a long story short, the trailer was unhooked and stolen while they were having breakfast. 2016 - Wynand, as the team manager of the AGN team, travelled with the team to East London for the SA Marathon Championship event. On arrival at the airport Wynand rented 3 minibus vehicles for the team members. Wynand was also the dedicated driver for one of these minibuses. 

Unfortunately, the bus that Wynand was driving had a defect; the sliding door on the side for passengers was faulty. Keeping his temper in check, Wynand went back to the rental office to report this and get another vehicle. Eventually Wynand and his crew could get underway. Upon arrival at the hotel, the other minibuses where there waiting. Wynand was informed that the car rental office at the airport phoned. They picked up a wallet in the “defect” minibus belonging to Wynand. A mad chase back to the airport proved fruitful as nothing was lost from the wallet. All cash & credit cards were in place. Wynand saw this as his luck that was changing and kept his eyes wide open the entire weekend hoping to spot his prized possession that he lost when the trailer was stolen, his “orange crocs”! Wynand, you should have forgotten about the “orange crocs” and rather have looked for the trailer.

Well folks that is it for this report so “cheers vir eers”.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, so we start another chapter in the memoires of the Running Reporter. They say familiarity breeds contempt, but could it also be family breeds’ excellence?  Ansie Breytenbach is being trained by her husband, none other than our general manager Wynand Breytenbach. Ansie is all set to do the Rhodes Marathon and Wynand had strict instruction that her race at the Hatfield race should be a slow race, not faster than 1 hour 50 min for the 21. But knowing Ansie and her possible lack of concentration if running alone, Wynand wanted to ensure she has the proverbial “ball & chain” attached, somewhat like a hand brake. 

After scouting around amongst the clubs runners Wynand decided to ask Theuns Strecker who has not bettered a 1 hour 50 min in a very long time. The objective was explained and the instructions given. The race started and off they went. At about the half way mark Ansie looked at her watch and enquired from Theuns what his all time PB was on a 21. It turned out to be 1 hour 41 min and Ansie accelerated the pace Theuns did his best to keep up. Ansie then started to encourage Theuns to work harder and when they reached the finish, Theuns had a new all time PB of 1 hour 38 min. Wynand was upset because the objective was to have Ansie run slower and here Theuns went faster. Theuns is so chuffed with his new PB but the ‘Ball & chain” did not work. Wynand, in the future if you want something done correctly, it is best if you do it yourself.

When can someone have too much experience that you get so blasé that you expect everything to just fall into place without any consequences? Elsa Meyer, one of our ladies, that has earned national colours in her walking days must have thought that she is above the laws of provinces but she had a rude awakening. Elsa and Gerhard went to the Pirates race in Johannesburg to test the waters against the opposition from the other side of the “boerewors” curtain.  They entered and lined up for the race and at the sound of the gun Elsa took off on yet another race winning walk. 

As was expected, there was no one else in her category that could even get close, so the winner was a foregone conclusion. At the finish line Elsa slowed her pace after going over the time keepers’ mat and waited for the officials to call her over to get her details. This was so not new to her, so she was a bit taken aback when she was not called upon to furnish the info. She then enquired and with a shock was informed that she was disqualified. “What? Me? Disqualified for what? I know how to walk, I can teach your umpires about the rules of walking. And then the rude awakening, “you are disqualified because you don’t have a race number on” Elsa did pay her entry and unfortunately forgot to pin them on and did the race, officially, “unlicensed”. All the hard work, because Pirates is not an easy route, all for nothing, just a disqualification. Elsa, maybe you should visit the club shop and invest in a set of “Bibfix”. That way you can “snap it on” for your next race, and avoid any follow up disqualifications.  

Some guys you just can’t keep down, or is it up? Travers Snyman made his comeback last year by doing comrades again after many years and this year again, and now on to his 3rd Washie. Now you would think that an experienced runner knows how to pre-plan a race end whatever goes with it. Not Travers. In a small town like Port Alfred, Travers got lost. I ask you, if you are doing a 100 miler’ (161 km) race, the last thing you can afford is too get lost. If you want advice on how to do that, then Travers is your man, because he has firsthand experience. As if doing 162 + something kilometres to complete his 3rd Washie was not bad enough, Travers also fell at least twice. Members that read the Running Reporter regularly will remember that Travers has been involved in a few falling incidents. Travers is to an extent known as “the fall guy” Travers, I hope you don’t hate me for this but I now rename you as Travers “loop & val” Snyman. 

Wells folks, that it for now so Cheers vir Eers.

The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, Comrades has come and gone and we should get over it, that is, the ones like me, licking our wounds and nursing our bruised egos. Amidst all this there were a few incidents I would like to share with you, now that I have ventured out onto the road again, and not in a car but with my running gear on. Don’t be fooled, I did not say running, but I am out there. Most of the stories are about Comrades, or shall I rephrase, about our clubs runners at or preparing for the Comrades.

What sparked me off in doing this report was me eaves dropping at the club just before our last league race and someone mentioned a remark that was made by none other than Oom Gerard. Now this is second hand info so if it is not entirely word for word correct, I am sure you will still get my drift. Oom Gerard, our caravan man, had a slip of the tongue or maybe a slip of memory. The location that we had our league race at was also the venue of a race that we attended not so long ago. When Oom Gerard read the address of the venue, which was Moretele Stadium in Mamelodi he threw his toys out of the cot and in an ardent voice proclaimed that “they don’t know what they are talking about”. Since when is there a Mamelodi in Moreletta Park? There is no stadium in Moreletta Park” Gerard claimed! Apparently it took a calm Wynand to explain that it is actually Moretele Stadium and not Moreletta Stadium. Age can be very cruel.

My next story is somewhat tongue in cheek about what people’s perception is about sport. While our members were down in Durban for the Comrades Petro Smit with hubby Arno and the twins were in a hotel on the coast and would you believe it the Rebels team from Super 15 fame were in the same hotel. As usual all and sundry were trying to get the players signature and Petro was not going to lose out on this opportunity. The twins were quite perturbed about this signature “hunting” and did not agree with it but Petro was on a mission. She approached one of the Rebels team members and asked for his signature, offering a pen and paper.

He looked at her earnestly and asked, just to make sure, “you want my signature”? She replied in the affirmative flashing those big baby blues of hers, and he went weak at the knees and gave his signature. As the proud owner of a signature from a member of the Rebels squad, she returned to their table and flashed it in front of Arno with an “I got something you don’t have” expression. Arno ever so nonchalant looked at the signature and ran the names of the players through his mind but could not find this player. The signature Petro obtained turned out to be that of either the baggage manager or the physio but definitely not a player. Keep it Petro, maybe one day he will become famous.

When a person manages to make an appearance on TV it is ‘something’, to have someone mention you on TV it is something special. If you appear on TV and a world famous person mentions you on live television, where the worlds eyes are on you then it becomes a big story. Alhasan Jallow, one of our members, was aiming for a Bill Rowan or so I presume. Unfortunately he just missed his Bill Rowan with 30 secondsL, give or take a few.

Now Alhasan, on occasions puts in hair extensions (commonly referred to as dreadlocks) just to prove he can be fashionable. On Comrades day he had these “dreadlocks” in and Bruce Fordyce was commentating on live television. The athletes were cutting it fine for the Bill Rowan and Bruce made the following statement on TV. “The people entering the stadium really need to pick up their pace if they are going to make the cut-off, especially this lady here, referring to Alhasan. Well done Alhasan, you participated in two categories in the race, male & female as far as the commentators were concerned. Last question for Alhasan, is your wife aware of this double life you live while out on the road?

What is the difference between normal size beer and Windhoek Draught? Well I assume you all think about the fluid contents but this is not what I was referring to. One of our veteran members, who had a long layoff from running, was conned into entering for the Comrades this year. Running on experience more that on training, Werner Zandberg still made it comfortably under the 11 hours cut off. As a matter of fact, Werner had enough time to first stop at the Irene tent at the finish and enjoyed a nice cold beer with his mates, just to get closer to the sub 11 hours time. If the beer was a draught he probably would not have made it as his finishing time was 10 hours 59 min and many seconds. What a thirsty runner won’t risk for a cold beer.

What to do and prepare for a very good Comrades on the morning of the race? Our first man in this year for Irene was Bennie Roux. Although he was digging deep the last 28 odd kilos he persevered and finished in a good time for his silver. Bennie, on the morning of the race prepared his usual mix, like a shake, that he normally drinks. Unfortunately, be it pre race nerves, or just being to blasé to concentrate, Bennie made a mistake.

Part of the “shake’ that Bennie was preparing had to get a raw egg in the mix. Bennie did add the raw egg but not to the shake but rather to his mug of coffee.  Now I don’t have more info in this regard as to whether Bennie ate/drank the egg coffee, or did he break another egg into the “shake” but this is worth exploring. Bennie, you may have just stumbled onto the new silver running pre Comrade’s mix to help the less able runners. Incidentally, what do you call this mix, eggffee or coffegg?

What is the price of fame? Or shall I rather ask the price of shame/embarrassment? It is not uncommon for Irene members to be on the podium at races and in particular people with the surname of Breytenbach. Regular’s representative of the Breytenbach name, are Ansie, Zelda & Nadine, and of late Wynand, our club’s general manager. Now I have tried to find an explanation for what has happened but the truth has evaded/eluded me until the time of the publication of this article. Was it the sudden shock when Wynand was called to the podium and he had to be dressed in Irene attire?

I know Wynand is 65 years old so he does dress by himself, of that I am certain. The only other alternative was that Wynand might have spilled something on his shirt and in an effort to hide the spill put the shirt on back to front. I took an unsuspected walk around the back of the podium but alas, the shirt was clean as a whistle at the back. So what possible reasons remain? Did Wynand, on purpose, put on his long sleeve Comrades shirt back to front, or was it a blonde moment? Knowing Wynand as fairly bald it is difficult to play the blonde card, as I cannot tell for sure that he is blonde.

Whatever the reason, Wynand smacked himself with the broadest of planks when he appeared on the podium at a race sporting an Irene shirt back to front. And I bet 95% of the clubs members never realised it, not even after the photo appeared in the news letter. So to save you all the trouble of having to go back to that specific news letter I am posting it in the Running Reporters report. Eish.

Ja well no fine, we are one month further into the year and as close to Comrades as dam-it is to swearing. Have you ever calculated the cost of a race? Yes we all calculate the obvious things like petrol & toll roads, accommodation, food and race entries, but what about the other hidden costs? Take Jurgens Strydom as a shining example. He travelled down to Cape Town for the Two Oceans marathon. His petrol was expensive, so was the accommodation & food. Now we all know before a race we are so charged up that invariably you don’t sleep well but after the race you deserve to sleep well.

Jurgens unfortunately found that the refrigerator in his room was making the most awful noises and he just could not sleep. By manoeuvring the fridge by slightly tilting it forward the noise was gone. The only suitable sized article at hand to shove in between the wall and the fridge was his running shoe. After a well deserved rest he packed up the next day, had breakfast end returned to Gauteng. The next Tuesday at the time trial Jurgens discovered with a more than mild shock that his one running shoe is still wedged into that “quite” space between the wall and refrigerator. Add R2000.00 for a new pair of Brooks Ghost to the race cost and it becomes a sizeable amount. Jurgens, a sleeping tablet would have been much cheaper and I am sure Medihelp would have paid for the script.

For our next story our readers must have a vivid imagination or you would not enjoy this. It is a clear case of too much time spent in a car and not enough on the road. Our clubs GM, Wynand, did the Cradle race near Krugersdorp. Wynand now an avid walker was going strong when he noticed a lady which he thought he knew coming from the front. As she passed him going in the opposite direction he wanted to have a second look, just to make sure. Wynand glanced at “the rear view mirror” but only saw tar road and legs where the rear view mirror should have been. I will only say this once “Eish”

One of the many husband & wife combinations at our club Andrew & Chantel Heuvel have been members now for a few years. As recent as April this year while Andrew was at the club with his kids, waiting for Chantel to arrive, he received a call on his cell. It was Chantel and she was phoning in desperation, wanting to know how to get to the clubhouse. Now picture this, they have been members for a few years, and Chantel has never been to the clubhouse before. Chantel, you will not live this one down. I think you must be voted on to the committee, that way you will have to come to the club at regular intervals.

My next story is something like the fable about Rip van Winkel, just very different. Our club also have a Rip van Winkel but he did not sleep long enough, he woke up to soon. Our GM, Wynand, walked a podium position at the Wally, and after the prize giving went to put some exercise in for his upcoming event to represent Gauteng North at the SA championship event in Port Elizabeth. After a day of hard exercise he showered and then went for a well deserved sleep. Wynand also set his alarm in order to be up and awake when the rugby started.

The alarm did its job and Wynand arose fresh and ready for the big game on TV. The time of the game came & went but no rugby on TV. It was only when Ansie asked, ever so matter of fact like, is the game not on Saturday, that Wynand realized his mistake. The Wally was on Friday, a public holiday, it was not a Saturday. Or did Wynand know this, and just did not sleep long enough to wake up on the Saturday? We will perhaps never know the truth, but let sleeping dogs lie.

And then we have the seasoned runners that still make the novice mistakes. Heinrich Pick did the Love Run, and when he eventually got to the finish he had an immense difficulty to tear off the bottom of the race number. After a few attempts and a bemused look from the official at the medals table, Heinrich took a closer look and low and behold, his race number did not have a perforated line at the bottom. It then became clear to Heinrich that he actually only had his provincial licence on and no race number for the event. After a few apologies to the officials he made his way to the club gazebo, fetched his race number, and like a true sportsman, returned with the number to the officials to claim his medal.

Our last story and it was kept till last because it is a unique story which happened at the Jackie Mekler race at Voortrekker Hoogte. The older generation will remember the story of “Siener” van Rensburg and then later in years we had a movie about “Siener” in the Suburbs but our club now has its own “Siener” in die Verte” or shall we call her “Siener” Steenkamp?

Travers Snyman, also nick named by one group as the “coach” took a “buss” of potential Comrades runners on a long slow jog on the Jackie Meckler 25k race. When they approached a slight uphill, nothing more than a slight bump, he asked Lindie Steenkamp to take the lead up the hill and told the ‘buss” to imagine that they are running up Cowies Hill. When Lindie crested the “hill” she shouted “I can see the finish”. Cowies from the Durban finish is about 19 kilo’s but from the Maritzburg Finish is about 67 Kilo’s. In hind sight it may be that Lindie forgot it is an up run, or she must have some wonderful foresight. Be it as it may, anybody who can see the finish in Pietermaritzburg from Cowies is indeed in my estimation a “Siener” So folks, take a moment when you pass Lindie again and speak to the “Siener” she may have a message for you!!.

Well folks that it for now so cheers vir eers. Enjoy your Comrades, I will chat to you afterwards, depending if I have the strength to.


The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, this month we have a few stories to share so let’s get on with it. As you all know we have a few people named Breytenbach in our club. This report however has a bumper issue with just the one family, and that is the manager, Wynand Breytenbach and his wife Ansie.

During the away weekend at Kaapse Hoop the guys & girls had an enjoyable evening with the food and drinks that were on offer the Friday evening. When it got to bed time Wynand went through the envelope he got at the entry table. Reading all the material including the A 4  size flyer he got. Now Wynand had a job the next morning to drop some of the athletes off at their starting points before he himself had to make his way to his own race.

And then the shock hit him!!! They have changed the route!!!! The starting points of all three distances have changed!!! Wynand immediately checked against the routes he had on his cell phone. That confirmed it - even the GPS co-ordinates were different. Now this had an impact on the travelling time to the different starting points and alarm bells were ringing for Wynand. While he was getting dressed and ready to go and talk to Pieter Olivier regarding this sudden shocking information, Ansie asked what is going on? He gave her the flyer and said, “look, they have changed the route and I am not sure how many members realised they have changed the route”!

Ansie looked at Wynand and remarked ever so matter of fact like, yes this is a race for February next year. Now I did not count the number of beers Wynand had, nor did I observe that salt that he added to his meal, but something, I don’t know what, had this strange affect on Wynand, that he thought it was the info for the next day’s race. Sorry Mr Manager, but I just had to share this with the rest of the club.

I am sure you have all seen the pictures of the Halloween party the club had at the Kaapse Hoop away weekend. It was a dress up affair and I want to point out one person, Arno Smit. Now Arno dressed up like a hunchback. I am sure Quasimodo would have been jealous if he saw Arno. Many year ago when we were all a bit younger, near where Ansie Breytenbach lived used to be a man with a hunchback.

He used to walk the streets and when he saw children staring at him he would stick out his tongue and pull his thumb across his throat as if to cut it. This scared the daylights out of the kids and to this day Ansie still gets rattled if she sees a man with a hunchback. Needless to say, Ansie did not enjoy the Halloween party as she could not even look at Arno. Sis on you Arno, it was like “Goggo maak vir baba bang”!

My next story unfortunately also has Ansie as the star of the show with Wynand playing the supporting role. As you may or may not be aware off, Wynand is Ansie’s trainer. The Thursday before the Liqui fruit race Wynand had to attend a race committee meeting. Not too long ago Wynand & Ansie moved to a new house, and Ansie is not too familiar with the surrounding areas. Normally Wynand rides his bicycle behind Ansie when she trains, but on that Thursday Ansie had to fly solo. Wynand reiterated what routes she should take for safety reasons and should anything happen he would know where to go and search.

Like many woman, and especially blondes, this information was not stored but the delete button activated as Wynand was still speaking. Ansie, being a big girl decided she knows the area well enough to broaden her horizons during the run. When she eventually realized that she no longer recognises anything familiar, she turned back and tried to retrace her route. Now most people get turning left & right mixed up, Ansie was no exception and soon it became clear to her she did not know which way to run. Adrenalin started to rise and the speed increased.

When Wynand, after a protracted meeting eventually got home well after dark, he walked into the house finding Ansie at home but well exhausted as she just got home herself. I guess we can start calling Ansie Alice in Wonderland from now on. When poor old Alice  met up with Cheshire Puss and complained that she was lost, Cheshire Puss asked her where she was going and Alice answered I don’t know. To this Cheshire Puss then answered, then it doesn’t matter because you can never be lost. Look on the bright side Ansie, sorry Alice, if you don’t know where you are running you will never get lost.

This story has Wynand in the supporting role but the main actor is unknown. This again proves that we are never too old to learn. Wynand was leaving the premises of ARC after supervising the mowing of the club’s lawn and a few other general manager duties. Around the 6 kilo time trial mark a speeding car with warning flashers and headlights being flashed waved Wynand to a stop.

This driver was very anxious and somewhat incoherent. In his car he had an injured Egyptian goose (Afrikaanse Kolgans). This man demanded from Wynand “where are the people that work with these injured birds” Wynand somewhat flabbergasted answered he does not know. The next question from the driver “Is this not ARC?” Wynand answered in the affirmative. The driver then was on the point of losing it. Well how come the Animal Rescue Centre cannot help this injured bird?

Wynand very politely and diplomatically explained that in the main building there may be a veterinarian on duty but the ARC actually stands for Agricultural Research Council, and not Animal Rescue Centre. At least this man’s heart was in the right placed, even if his mind was wondering.

My last story about the Breytenbach clan is the day Wynand became a celebrity, or shall we not confuse celebrity status with that of fame? A celebrity is someone like a singer, sport star, actor etc. Not everybody will know you unless they have the same interest. But if you are famous, you will be known everywhere in the world, even at the North Pole.

At the Tom Jenkins race, Wynand, without thinking it through, decided to wear a Father Christmas suit. Because of the extreme heat Wynand did not complete the 10k but took a shortcut across the lawns to the 7k mark with the intention of joining the “bus” on the way to the finish.

And then, fame played its hand because hundreds of children waiting for their parents saw Father Christmas making his way across the lawns. Within seconds Wynand “Father Christmas” was surrounded by screaming and yelling kids all wanting to know what they are getting for Christmas? Wynand made serious promises on the condition that they must behave and not be naughty, eat their veggies, and clean their rooms and everything a good Father Christmas would say.

And then conditions got worse for Wynand. The adults alone the route so badly wanted photos with Father Christmas that Wynand had to pose with literally hundreds of spectators and runners. Every person with a cell phone wanted to be on Santa’s side, under his arm, transferring sweat etc onto Santa. Then cars started stopping, and the occupants wanted photos with Santa. Wynand, you became the most photographed person in Gauteng on the day. And let that be lesson not to put on a Santa suit unless you are bringing gifts.

The following story I have heard via the grape vine so if not all the facts are correct the readers can go and ask the two members in question for the truth. Apparently during the Liqui fruit feedback meeting a few drinks were enjoyed with the meal. Danie Joubert, like an experienced waiter picked up a bottle of wine to pour himself a glass. Much to his surprise, nothing decanted from the bottle that was used just a few moments ago. He looked at the bottle and low and behold there was plenty of wine in this bottle but nothing pouring from the spout. Only then did Danie realise the bottle had a screw top and the last person replaced the top.

Out of embarrassment Danie took the bottle’s cap and threw it to the floor and stomped on it. This will ensure that nobody can make a fool out of him again. The next person to call for the bottle was none other than Joy. Now we know Joy, like the old Indian that wanted to sell his half blind horse said, she doesn’t look so good. Joy picked up the bottle and wanted to unscrew the cap, but with no success, it just kept on slipping in her grip. After a few attempts Danie informed her there was no cap on the bottle.  I am not going to put these actions down to any specific reason; I leave that to our readers.

Our last story feature some of our older runners/walkers and members not associated with our club. The setting was the Tom Jenkins race, a race that was earmarked as a big prize money race, so all the Irene runners/walkers that usually get a podium position were ready for the cash-in. It is common knowledge that Gerhard v/d Raad can win his age group whenever he feels like it. Bertha however, since turning 70 has also been on the podium of late. During this race when Gerhard went up the steep part of Tom Jenkins road he came across a lady from Randburg Harriers Deirdre Larkin.

Deirdre was sitting on a rock next to the road and was totally out of it. As Gerhard was passing her, his conscience got the better of him and he turned back and asked if he could help.  Gerhard had to take Deirdre by the arm and help her up the hill in order to get her moving. In the mean time Bertha, Gerhard’s better half was struggling up the hill herself, ahead of them at the time. As Gerhard and Deirdre proceeded they caught up with Bertha and passed her, ever so slowly. At the top of the hill Deirdre had recovered sufficiently to start running on her own again. This however resulted in Deirdre who happens to be 80+ be awarded the first prize for the great grand master first lady and Bertha the second in this category.

 The difference between the first & second places would not have mattered so much, but the difference in prize money was one thousand rand! I have it on good authority that the food at the v/d Raad house has never been burned, heavily salted, undercooked, watered down until now. Gerhard, you are not going to live down this one easily.

Congratulations to the new committee, and don’t be surprised if you feature in my report sooner than later

Well folks, that’s it for this month, so if I don’t see some of you before the next issue, you must enjoy a peaceful and blessed Christmas, you will read my next report in 2015.

Cheers vir eers


The Running Reporter

Ja well no fine, it is that time of the month again and I must write a report. This month it feels like it’s a committee report and nothing else. What is it with this committee of ours that they are forever in the news?  Let’s start with our vivacious blonde admin lady. For a whole year Zelna looked after her health and especially no injuries, as Comrades was the goal. She succeeded in this “no injuries” drive of hers only until just after Comrades. And then she goes and chases a dog, and injured herself. Zelna, you are missing the point. Dogs are supposed to chase things like other dogs, cats, motorcars etc. Human are not suppose to chase dogs. I trust you have learned your lesson.

The objective of making an appointment is normally to see someone at a pre-determined time. That is, if all parties play their part. Travelling to the long awaited Rhodes Ultra Marathon a few members from our club agreed on meeting at a specific place; like the Ultra City and at a specific time like 04h00 to all travel in convoy. The parties that agreed to this travel style were The van den Raad family, the van Vuuren family and the family Koch.

On the day of the convoy’s departure Gerhard & Johan were there on time and ready to roll, but Chris was running a bit late. Well you know me; I always exaggerate, so when I say a bit late, I actually meant something like 3 hours. I am not going to speculate as to why the family Koch were this late, but they left long after the agreed time. I am saying it a bit tongue in cheek but something like a suitable alarm (very load and in working order) could be a well worth purchase.

And last but not least, because of her size, we have our club captain Joy. Now a person with a green number for Comrades is not new to the running game. Joy arrived at the Zwartkops lapa to participate in the race on the day. The fancy excuse she offered was that she actually just wanted to do the 5k fun run and then changed her mind and entered for the 10k. The truth is she forgot to bring her licence number with and was forced to buy a temporary licence in order to take part. Nice try Joy, but your explanation was not bought. Do not pass go, do not collect 200, go straight to the dog box.

Our last story is more a sad story rather than a laughing one. When a grand master who is a multiple podium winner has only one medal to show for his entire running career and that being a gold medal, then something terrible is wrong. Piet van Loggerenberg was a victim of a house breaking and theft. One cannot believe that something as worthless money wise for reselling purposes as race medals would be stolen from a person’s house. Piet, unfortunately lost every medal he ever earned during his entire race career longer that most people’s arms in one housebreaking incident. Piet, rest assured, we know you competed and competed well, and whoever this despicable thief is, may he/they suffer the consequences for the errors of his/their misguided judgement.

I was going to ask some of our members to donate some of their medals they don’t want any longer to Piet, but he would need a pickup truck with a large trailer to move the medals.

On that sad but true to South Africa note I bid you cheers vir eers. Make sure your alarm is set, the dogs are released from their kennels, the revolver/pistol is loaded and the pepper spray is within easy reach. Don’t worry about switching off the lights, the cable thieves will ensure the lights are off.  

The Running Reporter